Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Mother Guilt

I would have made a good pioneer.  I enjoy a good challenge, adventure, and love camping.  I also come from Mormon pioneer stock and can sing "Come, Come Ye Saints" with the best of them.

My pioneer outlook means, however, that I feel an intense amount of guilt that I have part-time help in the form of Marianna, our au pair.

Having an au pair while I was not working seemed like a great luxury, justified initially because our family was coming out for the baby blessing (we baptise later, when the children can choose for themselves) rather than post-birth and I'd need an extra pair of hands during the crazy early days.

But now that healing is completed, I am fully competent to take care of my own children.  I did so while we were homeless recently - for 8 days at the beginning of the Christmas period! - while they were sick, to boot.

Once we moved back in (don't worry - it's still not completed - we've got exposed pipes, unfinished floors, etc. ) with the au pair, I realised that having her around meant I could blog, prepare for Christmas, and actually spend time with my children (and breastfeed) rather than make dinner, do laundry, and clean.  It's a luxury for sure, and I've got mother guilt going on in large doses.

Anyone else struggle to receive help as a mother, even though it means you actually get sleep and can spend more time with your children?

Damp treatment is no small thing.  You know this when they pull the jackhammer out.
Esther at 8 weeks

Esther at 6 weeks. 

Esther at 4 weeks.  You can see why I use a hat now!  Poor little grandpa girl with the receding baby hairline!


  1. This idea of having paid help is not something I'm familiar with, but I will say this - mothers, particularly LDS women, are exceptionally good at feeling guilt for pretty much everything and it's such a waste of energy! Make your decision and own it. This goes for everything, not just whether or not to have an au pair when you don't "need" one.

    Merry Christmas!

  2. Drop the guilt and enjoy the blessing of affording an au pair. Lots of "mormon mothers' have help in the form of grandma's, sisters, other family members, not possible in your case. I lived away from my family for the years my 2 oldest were infants and toddlers if it hadn't been for the Protestant Churches "Mothers Mornings Out" I would not have survived. They started at 6 months and it was heaven. 9am to 1pm meant 3hours and 40 minutes of sleep, a shower of more than 45 seconds, grocery shopping by myself, cleaning the house and having it stay clean because when I picked them up at 1 pm they had been fed and were ready for a nap so 2 more hours of blessed quiet. I loved my kids we had a ball, but infants and toddlers are VERY hard when there is NO help. Enjoy your au pair for as long as you can afford her or need her, your kids will thank you for a rested and happy mother who can spend time with them.