Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Work in Progress

G showing off his creation in the new kids' room - reveal coming soon!

I have been uber-focused on getting home projects done so that my babes can sleep a bit better in healthier environs and I can focus on more important, less urgent matters (yes, there are more important things than baby's sleep, but you can't get to them unless they are sleeping!).  Although I've done all I can do on the home front, or almost all I can, there is more that needs doing that is out of my hands.

This coupled with a type-A, goal-oriented personality, and being a doer rather than a reader (much to my chagrin!) has made me reflect a lot on accepting the process, or imperfection, rather than the goal. My house may never be "done" (yes, we are still settling after a year and a half!), but I am making continual progress - through my own best efforts and by working together with others.

And so it is with life. I don't know if I will ever be "done" making progress. Every time I turn around, there is some fault, newly seen (but always there!) that needs work.

For instance, recently I have begun to reflect on why I am perpetually late. Yes, I am bad at math, and getting to things on time with three littles requires a lot of complex calculus (and back-up plans!). But it is also a matter of prioritizing others over myself. If others and their goals and priorities are as important as my own, I would get up earlier in the morning and maybe leave my house a little more messy.  Yes, getting G to preschool on time may not be all that important in the grand scheme, but I am not teaching Gideon to respect his teachers, and I am not respecting the education of my 4 year old. I need to do better. A lot better.

And then there is being critical of myself. Turns out judging myself and not allowing some grace in the matter is as wrong as judging others. Also, the "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" commandment actually requires one to love one's self. As I point out in my book (written, it seems, another lifetime ago - I'm still learning the lessons...), my ability to love others is directly proportional to my ability to love myself. So if I am critical and judgmental of myself, I am more likely to do so with others. Guess I need some work...

In short, I need to allow grace for myself--and my house, as silly as that may seem. Without excusing my many shortcomings, I need to be gentle with myself and allow for (lots) of room for improvement. After all, doing so will make me more like God, the author of the most amazing grace of all.

Small Wonders
* "I can watch myself"
* Appetite improving (yeah!) - "I'm hungry already"
* Got Walkie talkies, called "Talkie talkie"
* After being in charge and bringing E up for the bath (I'll take whatever help I can get!), G asked "am I a serious kid, mom?"
* On her waking, Gideon asked Esther, "How are you doing? How is your God? How is your Jesus? How is your curious George?'
* His scripture reading: "One day the body was gone. Hey don't take my body away!." "Jesus didn't answer. Took him on to the cross." 
* "Chloe bit me, but it was all very friendly"
* Gideon will come down and cuddle with me in the early morning while I am reading my scriptures or feeding Ingy.  He came down the other day and said, "mom, a strange thing happened..."
* We flew out to Utah for my step-mom's funeral after a three-year battle with cancer.  We took two red eyes to save $800 but cost us dearly in sleep.  G started the trip optimistically: "It's going to be seriously cool to sleep on the plane tonight" and then, on waking and asked how he felt said, "I think I'm dying" before telling the flight from the back of the plane: "I need everyone to get off the plane!"
* G was quite sick before, and, much to our consternation, during our trip.  Beforehand, when asked how he felt, he said, "I want to go back to Heavenly Father!"
* Overheard explaining something to Esther: "I felt it in my heart"
* Something is getting through in Primary, where he offers prayers and sings with all his heart.  He told his cousin, "I'm trying to be a good boy and make good choices."
* When frustrated with me: "Please don't drive me crazy!"

* Holding G's face, "do you know Jesus?"
* We visited a farm where we purchased our bunny.  Esther demonstrated she inherited her father's way with animals, and watered them all like a pro. 
* Esther scripture reading: "Jesus is the King!" "Body was empty"
* She told me after buttering her toast that she really does understand why she can't eat certain things: "I can't have butter-it has dairy in it!"
* She'll tell Ingy when crying to, "Be patient!"
* She's learning something, as she tries to baptize G in the tub almost nightly.
* When frustrated with me: "I told you several times"

* my greatest joy at the moment, and inspires me to be kinder and more patient with the others.
* has a very special relationship with G.  Whenever he is within striking distance, will reach for him, coo, and laugh, often making him smile and laugh when he is sad or crying. 
* watched almost all of "Beauty and the Beast," completely rapt.

Easter pictures

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